It was my first try of moving on with my life and forget about my past relationship with my boyfriend for two years. I told myself I moved on after a day or two that I broke up with him. I felt free. I told myself that would be the last time that I'll be crying because of him. Each day I open my eyes without having the feeling I'm someone that is worthless. I rarely think of him. And so I was convinced I truly moved on and that I'm completely over him.
For every break up I think, there will always be one who'll try to fix things up. One who'll try to say s/he's sorry and can we just start all over again blah blah. But he didn't even try to win me back. I still have on my phone his text message that says "Tnx.Ingat". That was what he replied to my text telling him I'm sorry and please take good care of himself after I gave him "the break-up letter" Yea I broke up with him through a letter, 'Cause I don't have enough guts to tell him goodbye. 'cause I know I'll end up crying the moment I'll be saying I wanna end our relationship. See? He really just used me.
Days, weeks passed. I heard he's okay. We don't see/text/call each other. Through facebook and some friends, I still was updated with what is up with him. He courted several girls I think. I wasn't shocked 'cause he already did the same back when we're still together. All my suspicions was each proved to be true. That he's saying i love you to other girls, flirting with his so called "bestfriend" and certain things. I'm happy he's happy and those things doesn't bother me anymore.
Then he texted me once admitting he wasn't really happy we ended up like this. And that he still love me. I just laughed and think bullshit. Did he really think I was that dumb to believe him AGAIN? He didn't just stop with one message. Everyday I get the same text message from him saying how sorry he was. My phone got tired of ringing because of his calls. And my friends told me he was asking help from them so he can have me back.At times I was touched, but most of the time annoyed. At the back of my mind I'm thinking he deserve to be ignored.
He got tired chasing me. At first I was happy. I told them he finally gave up. Yea I don't want him back but I want him as a friend. I realized I spent the three years of my life with him, so why not have him longer? I got used to discussing things to him, arguing with stuffs and bothering him almost all of the time. I kinda miss him when times come that I feel alone, or feeling so dumb, pettish, & other sort of childish stuffs. He used to be my instant pick-uper. I miss him. So bad. I never thought it'll be this hard. To just move forward and leave every single piece of yesterday behind. At times I long for his big bear hugs, at times I curse him for hurting me this much.
I'm over him. But I'm not yet over US.
(This blog post I think was way back from 2011, I saw it then decided to continue the last paragraph and finally publish it)
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